Handle his balls like you would handle those really expensive organic eggs from Whole Foods—uh, at least up until the part where you smash them and empty the contents into a frying pan. Well, not without asking first. But you know those Chinese stress balls that you swirl around your hand? No, you select them gently and place them down carefully on the counter. But on the scale from Dustbuster to Dyson to the intake valve on a hydroelectric dam, maybe go easy on those poor little plums. Think of picking up a soup dumpling with chopsticks—too much pressure, and the thing explodes and spills soup all over, and the whole kitchen laughs at your clumsy hands. Grab his hand, and pull him closer.
Lara. Age: 29.
If you honk on his danglers too hard, your man will turn his head and cough like a Pavlovian response.
Sarah. Age: 25.
I want to drain your balls completely dry
In the interest of preserving testes everywhere, here are nine things you should never, ever do to balls. Ron Hubbard designed your teeth to carve through flesh and mash up plant material and generally destroy anything that comes near them. Expose Them To The Elements. If you honk on his danglers too hard, your man will turn his head and cough like a Pavlovian response.